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A Girl's Guide to DatingA Girl's Guide to Dating

£6.99
Published by Ryland, Peters & Small 2005 priced £6.99
ISBN 1841728608 BUY


CHAPTER 1
GETTING STARTED

WHY DATING LOTS OF MEN CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING...

* You get to see who you’re attracted to.
If you’re constantly going for guys that remind you of your past (failed) relationships, take this as an opportunity to do a little soul searching. You may love men who are passionate about their work, but remember how it used to drive you crazy when your ex phoned the office every five minutes while you were on holiday? Dating lots of guys lets you discover patterns in your attraction and whether they’re working for or against you. What if you try dating the opposite of who you’ve been attracted to for a while just to see what you’ve been missing?

* You get to be a great date.
If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. As with everything, the more you do it, the better you get. Dating lots of men will help you learn how to behave on a date and most importantly, how to feel comfortable with someone new. Many of us go to pieces when sat opposite someone we’re attracted to, but practice makes perfect...

* You get to see you’re not alone.
When you start dating regularly you’ll see how many other singles are out there wanting a relationship - and how great it feels to be attractive to the opposite sex!

* You get to go out more.
When you date, you get to do nice things you may not find time for in your busy life. You go to restaurants, watch films, listen to bands and generally (hopefully) get treated better than you would if you were out with a friend. And even if this man’s not the one for you, he may make a good friend. If you approach dating as a way to meet new people and form new relationships, rather than the relationship, you’ll take the pressure off and enjoy the experience so much more.

UPDATE YOUR DATING MINDSET

All the dates in the world won’t find you the right guy if you don’t have the right attitude.

1 Give the guy a chance
Many of us think that if it’s true love we’ll know the instant we meet someone. But that’s not love, it’s sexual chemistry. There’s many factors that contribute to a great relationship and it’s impossible to evaluate them all in the first five minutes. So relax, ignore his velcro fastening trainers and get to know the guy. You can always take him shoe shopping on your third date.

2 Lust is not always love
And talking of sexual chemistry, that amphetamine-like high is not necessarily love but nature’s way of bonding you during the early stages of a relationship. So enjoy the hormone rush but don’t make any rash decisions (mortgage, marriage, meeting his mother), until your body has calmed down a little.

3 You have more than one soul mate
If you’ve just come out of a relationship, it’s tempting to think you’ve already met your one true love. Not true. The world population is well over six billion, so believing there’s only one mate for you among all that lot is ignoring a hell of a lot of possibilities.

4 Your past doesn’t have to be your future
So you’ve had failed relationships? So has every other single person. What’s important is to learn from your mistakes so you don’t repeat them. If you constantly go for losers, look at your self esteem. You can’t expect anyone else to treat you well if you always come last on your own list. Write down a list of all your strengths and read it every day. Finish something you’ve always wanted to (a degree, a marathon, a relationship), and face a big fear - it’s the biggest self esteem booster of all!

5 Don’t waste your time on lost causes.
Whether you’re hankering after an ex-boyfriend, or someone who’s not available/not interested, no new date will ever match up to the fantasy in your head of how wonderful your life could be if you were with him. Remember, if he doesn’t want to be with you then he’s hardly your perfect man, and who wants a relationship in their head when they can have a living, breathing (spending) one? Getting out there is a decision you need to make. How much longer are you going to put your life on hold for this guy?

6 Stop searching for Mr Perfect
There’s no such thing as the perfect person (are you?), so if that’s who you’re holding out for you’ll be in for a long wait. Instead, decide on the things that are important to you (humour, kindness, fresh breath) and be willing to compromise on the others. This isn’t about lowing your standards, it’s just accepting that even Brad Pitt would have the odd annoying habit once you got to know him.

7 Be who you want to attract
We attract people and situations according to how we’re thinking and feeling, so if you truly believe there’s no good men out there, you’re more likely to attract guys who reinforce that belief. Instead, work on improving your outlook on life. No one wants to date a moaner, and guess what? If you spend your time complaining about your job, friends and family, you’ll automatically attract a partner who thinks exactly the same way. Not exactly a barrel of laughs. And what’s the rush? If you can hear your biological clock ticking, then chances are so can he!

8 Don’t see every man as marriage material
The best way to enjoy dating is to look at it as a chance to widen your social life, rather than regarding every man as your potential one. If you see it as an opportunity to spend a nice evening out talking to someone new then you’re far more likely to relax and enjoy yourself. Remember, the way to win is to make it OK to lose.


 


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